Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
