I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
