I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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