I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
