this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
