when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
