drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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