Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
