I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Holy shit dude........stairs
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