it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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