there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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