sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
