just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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