AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
