I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
