his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's just like the Real World with babies
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize