very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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