I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
