upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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