Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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