Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
