So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
