Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
