I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
