I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
