Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
