well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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