Whod you bang
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
