All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
