Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
