discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
