Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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