Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
