More tranny stories later!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
