All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
