spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
