Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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