just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
