just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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