Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
