I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
