i permit you to call me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
