So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
