At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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