apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
