I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
