On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
