as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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