is your mom at the bar?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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