glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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