community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
