this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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