i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I won the penis lottery.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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