OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
