Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
